This journal comes from my dear friend Rebecca. She gave it to me as a birthday present and it comes at a perfect time, as my current state of being calls on me to begin journaling again. Around the early part of November, I was told that I likely have Hodgkin's lymphoma. That assumption has been confirmed in the past weeks, and I am now waiting to go in for a CT and PET scan to understand the staging of the disease. What will I discover? What choice will I make? It seems the only "choice" they give you is no choice at all. All cancer patients undergo chemo. There are some chances they would like to also do radiation. But no, no one will ask you, "Do you wish to proceed?" Instead, you must find a very different form of courage than one you've ever had to find or use before, and you essentially have to tell your doctors, friends and family to fuck off--because this is your destiny and your decision and one is I am just not certain that chemo is always the correct and only choice to make. This may be the most punk rock thing I will ever do.
Last night was the first Holy Night and I cannot remember my dreams. I only recall itching through the night. Damn this itching above all else.
Monday, 26 December 2016
Couldn't sleep last night--too painfully itchy. Therefore couldn't remember dreams AGAIN. Feeling very sick with cough, prickly itch and sore sciatica. Read about curcumin. Hoping to go this all natural route, but worried about itch and dying.
Last night was the first Holy Night and I cannot remember my dreams. I only recall itching through the night. Damn this itching above all else. 